if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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