Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
