i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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