I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
