just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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