Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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