Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
