When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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