Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
