So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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