The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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