In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
