Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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