The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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