Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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