i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
