piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
