Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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