I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
