Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
