Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
