he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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