Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
