By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
