All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
