the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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