nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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