just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
