I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
