Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
