You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
