i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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