since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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