I smell stomach acid.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
