sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
