I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When are your genitals available?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
