plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
