I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
