I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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