Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
