I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
