you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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