i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
