I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
