things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
