Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
nutella sex= disaster
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
