I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
