I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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