if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
