Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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